Sibling Love
by c1rca
Summary: It's the beginning of the 1976 summer when Maggie's soon-to-be imprisoned dad drops her of at Philaine Adams' house, in Venice Beach. There's a boy called Jay there, and Maggie falls deeply in love with him. There's a problem though ; Jay is her brother.
1. Chapter 1

This story deals with a sensitive subject, love between two family members  
that goes beyond "family love". Some people might of course feel offended  
by this, but if so, I advice you to simply not read this. I own nothing from the  
Lords of Dogtown movie, which is what the story is mostly based on, rather  
than the real life Z-Boys and whatnot. Ages are mostly the same as in real  
life though, which you could suspect isn't in the movie where they mostly  
appear to be the same ages. Anyway, I got the idea for this story from a  
book that I read at school the other day, which, ironically enough, is also  
called "Sibling love". It's in swedish though (my mother language), so really,  
it's called "Syskonkärlek". It's only really the sister and brother relationship  
idea that is alike between the two though, so don't jump to any conclusions  
or something. Also, I will most likely be posting shorter chapters instead of  
mega lengthy ones. Why? I'm just no one of those writers who can manage  
to write überlong stuff and make it sound good enough for myself to feel  
satisfied. I usually blame that on english being "only" my second language.  
Jeez, this became a lot longer than I was aiming for. You may proceed now.  
I'll promise not to ramble this much whenever I post the next chapter. Oh,  
and reviews are greatly appreciated, I love hearing people's thoughts on  
my stories and whatnot. Constructive criticism is very much approved, haha.  
Also, the rating for this story is most likely to go up as we go further into  
the plot, because I just can't seem to put a lock on myself from writing too  
many swear words and blah blah blah. We'll have to see though.

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**Can a sister be in love with her brother?**

_prologue_

The pain of the words uttered by Jay at the moment he shoved his fist into Tony's jaw (after Tony had deliberately put his hand  
on my thigh) was so excruciating and peculiar I almost felt a sour taste not too different from vomit in the back of my throat. I  
had stared at him as the words left his mouth, "Don't fucking touch her! SHE'S MY SISTER!". It hurt far worse than when I fell  
out of a tree aged five and broke my arm for the first time. The rejection, not that it was meant directly towards me, was like  
having reality bash down at me in two hundred miles per hour. It was like someone had poured a bucket of ice cold water over  
my head, and I had nowhere to go and get warm. I should take it from the beginning though, and make some sense out of it.

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It was the beginning of the summer of 1976 when my father dropped me and my dog Maserati - whom I had named so to show my love for the Italian car manufacturer with the same name, outside the Adams' household. My name was Margaret, although I never let anyone know that. I just went by Maggie, for comfort reasons, and to avoid being picked on. I was fourteen years old as of six weeks and five days, and had just learned to ride a bike. That's the particular thing that I remember about that, that I had just learned to use the pedals on a bike. Some might probably find it strange, fascinating even, that I learned to do it so late in life. I was proud of the fact though.

My father, who was going to spend the next two years inside a prison in Oregon for being clumsy when being the middle hand of a crystal meth deal that had gone wrong, was leaving me with Philaine, who used to be his girlfriend about sixteen years ago. I wasn't, and still isn't, directly related to her. The thing, though, is that she had a son fifteen years ago, and the father of him is my dad. I was probably more surprised than my dad was when she agreed to take me in until my dad got out.

I know what you're thinking, what about my _mother_?

She died when I was eight, from leukemia. It was a miracle according to the doctors, that she even lived until the age of thirty-seven. My mom had always been strong, but in the end, she just wasn't strong enough to fight off the disease that was killing her, piece by piece, day by day.

Philaine took me in with open arms as I entered the house that smelled almost suspiciously sweetly of a smell I recognized far too well after spending six years alone in the same house as my dad. Maserati whimpered as he ran across the small hallway and into what I presumed to be the living room, and dove beneath the couch with a loud and excruciating wail.

"Jay isn't home at the moment, I'm sorry about that", she excused him with a warm and interestingly enough, distracted smile.

"S'okay", I murmured and kicked off my beaten up leather boots that I had once bought at one of those army storage clothing sales.

I wondered to myself if Philaine had even mentioned to him that his _half_sister was coming this day. I looked out the window - the sun was shining bright and close to annoying.

Philaine caught me looking outside at the weather, and as she led me to the room I would be sleeping in she explained Jay's absence, "He's with his friends. They're probably out surfing."

I felt like raising my eyebrows at the comment, but I probably shouldn't have been so surprised.

As to what I had heard about my _half_brother so far, surfing and skateboarding seemed to be his life or something of the like. I had never tried either of them. It wasn't that big from the small suburban town I came from. And because of the sea being more than two hours away by car, I had only ever seen it in real life once. It was when my mom took me on a vacation to her grandparents when I was seven. They live just outside of San Diego, in a house five minutes from the beach.

You'd think that the genius otherwise known as my dad would have talked to my grandparents about my stay for the following two years, but apparently, that wasn't even an option. They have never liked my dad, and truly, the feeling is mutual.

"You'll have to share with Jay until we get your room fixed up, I'm sorry. I could probably make Jay sleep on the cou-",

"Really, Philaine, it's okay. Can't be that bad, right?", I told her with a forced smile on my lips as I looked at the camp bed that had been placed opposite what, obviously, was Jay's bed.

"It's just that Jay hasn't been much help home recently, and well, I don't have the time to do it mys-",

I interrupted her again, "I said it's fine. Don't worry about it, I've bunked far worse than with some hormonal teenage boy before."

Philaine let out a relieved sigh, or at least it came off as something as close as possible to relieved. I wasn't judging though.

"That reminds me actually. If you don't mind", I saw where this was going, "Could you maybe go down to the beach and tell him that dinner will be ready at five?"

I shrugged indifferently, slightly satisfied to be able to get away from the sweet stench for a while.

"You could maybe ask him to give you a tour of town too, if you'd like?", and there it was again - the warm yet distracted smile.

Philaine watched me quietly as I put down my bag on the bed, and then her eyes shifted to Maserati as he came darting from the living room, this time taking a position beneath the camp bed. Poor dog probably didn't know what hit him.

"We'll see", I mumbled and forced out yet another smile.

I wasn't exactly all joy and lovely to get to meet Jay, in the beginning at least. Surely, it was exciting to meet someone who's related to you by flesh and blood, and that one isn't your mom, dad or something of the like. Then again, meeting someone who you're expected to get along with, someone who you haven't met your whole life, yeah, I could have done without it.

Philaine, who would later become for me the mother _and_ father, parental guardian really, I had never really had, left the room as I ripped up the lock on my bag and dug through it for the California appropriate clothing. To say the least, there was a big difference between the climate in Venice Beach, as to the one in my hometown.

Maserati had finally crawled out from underneath the bed, and was now snoozing loudly in the center of the room, sometimes opening one eye to check what was going on.

I stared out the only window in the room, which had been left half open, probably because of the lack of air conditioning in the house. Philaine probably couldn't afford it. The sun glared at me with it's bright rounded shape, not one cloud in sight. If it hadn't been because of my Spanish heritage on my mother's side, I could've guessed I would have been stared at much more than I would later become. Not only was I not "a local", the locals only policy in Venice could drive anyone crazy I later realized, but if it hadn't been because my skin was naturally tan from genetics, I would have been pale too, only enhancing the not local fact.

Picking up a pair of cut off jeans, now turned into shorts, and a white tank top with spaghetti straps, I stood in front of the mirror placed snugly into one corner of the room. It had a crack in the lower left part of it, but it wasn't so it disturbed me too much. I took off my jeans and the T-shirt that I had ridden in to Venice, and turned sideways in front of the mirror, running my hands up and down my stomach. Like any self-conscious fourteen year old, I disliked my body. Why would my boobs never start going? How long would it take until I stopped looking like a child? I grimaced slightly before taking on the tank top and shorts and ruffling Maserati's fur.

Philaine was sitting at the kitchen table when I closed the door to the bedroom, and she was reading some ladies' magazine and smoking a cigarette.

"There is a bike out back, unless you are willing to walk. Just follow the road straightforward, and you'll see the beach easily. You should be able to find the way there yourself from there. And don't forget to tell Jay about dinner time. Oh, and just take a pair of flip-flops, those boots you wore will get too warm.", Philaine told me as she put out the cigarette in the already full ashtray. I wondered if she was going to empty it soon.

"Okay thanks", I called as I stuck my feet into a pair of yellow flip-flops and exited the house while pulling my fingers through my hair.

The bike Philaine had talked about was far too big for my small 5'0 frame (I hadn't even started to grow fully at that age), and I had to stand up to even reach the pedals, but to just feel the wind going through my hair and stroke my warm skin was worth it as I sped down a hill only a mile away from the house. I could see the beach, and even the black dots in the water that resembled people a lot. I guessed that they were my brother, how weird that felt to think at the time, and his friends.

I kept pedaling at a hasty pace and sat down on the seat of the bike when I sped down the hill, almost crashing into a car on my way, as I thought about the waiting meeting with my brother. Brother... weird feeling.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm sorry this took some time. I have had a lot with school.  
As usual I do not own any characters or anything but Maggie,  
her dog, her dad and whatnot that isn't related to the original  
Z-Boys/Dogtown story in the movie, real life and yada yada.  
We all wish we owned movie-Jay though, but we all know  
it ain't gonna happen. Besides, Emile Hirsch totally isn't  
even a blonde anymore. Not that hot. I liked it blonde. :(  
And I'm sorry shit ain't happening yet. It's coming. Promise.

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I parked the bike next to what looked like it used to be a white couch once, but was now stained brown and gray from quite possibly dirt, and whatnot. I could even smell the ocean in the air, and I could hear semi-distant shouts from down the hill. It wasn't really a hill of course, but more of a rock covered bump in the ground that you somehow would have to manage to pass by to get to the actual small patch of beach. The beach itself, not that it was much of a beach, was covered with junk, chopped off wood, beer bottles, a dead fish here and there.

I had gotten down onto the sand when the first person noticed me, and a shrill voice of a tall man with blonde scruffy hair told me "that it was locals only, val".

Of course, I had no idea what "val" meant.

"Didn't you hear what I just said?", He asked me and downed something from a bottle wrapped in a paperbag.

It was probably alcohol.

That was my first encounter with Skip Engblom.

"I... um..", I stuttered and caught myself leaving my mouth hanging slightly open, "I'm looking for.. err, Jay.. Adams.."

Skip, not that I knew his name at the time, at first just looked plain confused, as if I had just asked him if he knew if the Queen of England was anywhere close, but then he turned to a lanky teenage boy with long bleach blonde hair.

"Where's Jay-boy, nugget?", He asked him in a droning tone before indulging in another big gulp of the contents of the bottle.

"He's out surfing, Skip", The teenage boy without a name said and pointed out towards the blurry figures trying to catch whatever of the half shabby waves.

The older one, Skip, turned to me again and threw his head in a twitchy motion to the side, as if pointing to the ocean, "You heard the nugget, he's out surfing."

I stood quietly in my place and Skip went back to doing whatever he had been doing before I arrived on his "territory". That's when the blonde lanky boy without a name reached out his partially sand covered hand towards me, and I could see a slight smile twitching on his lips.

"I'm Stacy", He introduced himself, "Stacy Peralta."

For a moment, not much more than a second or so, I just stared at his stretched out hand, and then I rather hastily shook it. I was quick to wipe off the sand now on my hand though.

".. Uh.. I'm Maggie", I mumbled and stuck my hands in under my arms, just below my armpits, thus creating a cross like pattern from my arms.

He nodded, and there was a moment of awkward silence before Stacy spoke again, "So.. you're like, one of Jay's girls then?"

He sounded unsure of himself as he spoke, and I nearly choked on my own saliva. Stacy's eyes widened with surprise, and his mouth was left hanging slightly open.

"No", I coughed, "I'm his", Another cough, "..sister."

This time Stacy instead raised his eyebrows.

"I didn't know Jay had a sister", he mused quietly to himself, and then pointed to the two teenage boys coming up from the water, "There's Jay and Tony."

Jay was slightly shorter than this Tony person, and both of them looked to be shorter than Stacy, but I wouldn't know that for sure until I could see them standing next to him.

He looked a lot like Philaine, rather than my, _our_, dad. Most of it was probably the bleach blonde hair that because of the water now cling to his face dripping wet. Both me and my dad had dark hair, but I had gotten mine from my mom. While my dad had very unruly darkbrown hair, I had been blessed with black hair that would only look slightly brown if exposed to a lot of sunshine. I had never cut it either, except for bangs that went straight across my forehead, and an occasional removal of worn tips, so it was quite long, and the ends curled slightly. I would spend useless amounts of time on my hair when I went to school in Oregon, but if everyone looked like Stacy, Tony and Jay in Venice, I would probably not have to do that anymore.

"Who's this?", The Tony guy asked with a nod towards me as they reached where we were standing, and he barely even gave me a glance, something that was going to change in the following months.

"Maggie", Both me and Stacy said in unison and I glared at him in the corner of my eyes.

"She's Jay's sister", He continued while Jay looked at me up and down, as if he was examining me.

He had yet to say anything.

"_Half_sister", He finally corrected, and he sounded almost cold in his tone when saying it.

The words stung slightly, even though I had been thinking the exactly same thing just seconds before that.

"Philaine wanted you to know that dinner will be ready at five", I squeaked out and had to cough to make my voice not sound so squeaky, "Uh.. yeah.. at.. five.."

Jay shrugged indifferently to this before turning to Tony, nudging him and pointing to several large waves that swept in towards the beach.

"Looks like there's a few big ones coming in, let's go", Jay murmured, turned around and started trudging towards the water again.

"I should go", I mumbled to Stacy in the same droning and dull voice Skip had used earlier.

I turned around, and started the practically _hike_ up the rocky hill like way down from the so called parking lot.

"I'll see you around, Maggie!" Stacy called after me, but I barely heard what he said.

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The very same evening when I was sitting in mine, and Jay's room for that matter, I could hear Jay fighting with Philaine. By the sound of it, they were fighting about me.

"I don't see why she has to stay in _my_ room!", I heard Jay hiss loudly in the livingroom, and Philaine retorting with something I didn't quite pick up.

The long line of curses coming out of Jay's mouth was enough for me to understand that it hadn't been anything good though. I curled up into a ball on the bed with Maserati next to me, and sighed deeply. I hoped that my room would be finished soon, or otherwise Jay seemed like he was going to have an outbreak of rage.

In a way though, I understood him.

What would you have thought if the halfsister you have never known one day just moved into your house? And your room even? Besides, he was a hormonal teenage boy.

It turned quiet after I heard Jay throw himself on the couch with a loud swear word thrown towards Philaine, and Philaine who slammed the door behind her when she went out presumably to smoke.

I eventually fell asleep on my temporary bed, and only semi-woke up when Jay came into the room and didn't even bother to take off his clothes before slipping into his own bed. It was soothing in some way to listen to Jay snoring I realized a while later when I woke up from Maserati jumping down from my bed.

It was sometime after eleven when I yet again woke up from Jay getting out of bed. "What are you doing?", I asked him still half-sleeping.

He looked at me as he jerked the window open, "Going out."

"What?", I sat up in the bed and blinked my eyes several times so I could see him more clearly, "Where are you going?"

"None of your business", Jay muttered and then added, "It's kids prohibited."

I snorted a bit and he looked at me as if I was crazy.

"I'm only a year younger than you", I pointed out and yawned.

It wasn't like I was interested in coming with him though. That life didn't particularly interest me, although it would in the future.

"You're fourteen?", He asked, and sounded skeptical, "You look like you're twelve."

I didn't respond, I just raised my middlefinger towards him before slumping back onto the bed, listening to Jay leaving the house. It turned quiet again after a while, but I still somehow felt myself wanting Jay's snoring back.


	3. Chapter 3

The reason this chapter took so long to get up is because I have been without a computer for quite some time. Nevertheless, here it is.

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The following months after the "you-look-like-twelve" incident passed in a blur. My life became like a pattern, a routine if you will, and this routine didn't include Jay. He had stopped muttering every time he saw me by the time I got my own room in the house, and since then I rarely ever saw much of him. He was like a ghost in the house, and most of the time it was just me, Maserati and Philaine.

Philaine's boyfriends came over now and then, but I couldn't even bother to remember their names. I had learned by the third one in one and a half month that they were going to leave soon enough, and I was going to be the one to pick up the mess they left behind them. This mess being Philaine. Until I had arrived, she told me, Jay had been the one who had taken care of her after every break-up, but now he was just... gone.

Jay's disappearance wasn't the only thing that changed those summer months though.

The thing I had been wanting for so long to happen finally did when I went up a cup size on my bra. It seemed silly afterwards to be actually happy about it, but when I crossed the 5'2 mark and realized I actually didn't look like a plank anymore, my happiness was made.

I even received a letter from my father, but it wasn't anything of interest.

Then I started school - and met Kathy Alva.

Kathy was Tony's sister, and Tony was Jay's best friend. One of them at least. She wasn't my age, actually she was sixteen and therefor a Sophomore student at the high school. Luckily for me, if you want to put it that way, the Venice Beach high school and middle school were right next to each other, almost in the same building.

I was in eighth grade, meaning Jay was in ninth. It was strange therefor that I saw more of Kathy than of Jay, considering the ninth graders had a lot of classes in the same building as the eighth graders. Nevertheless Kathy liked me even if I was "small and unremarkable" as she had first stated. To Kathy, I looked boring. For me, Kathy was everything I guess my mother wouldn't have wanted me to become if she was still alive.

There was still something about her that fascinated me though, and we became an odd pair of friends.

I didn't particularly like any of her friends, especially not Blanca, the feisty girlfriend of Tony who thought that every girl who as much as looked at Tony were out to hook up with him. A lot of the time she was probably right in some sense, considering Tony _was_ popular with the girls, but most of the time she just overreacted.

"Hey Mags", Kathy greeted me as we sat down at the lunch table that would in a few minutes be occupied by 'everyone' as Kathy referred them as.

Everyone meant anyone from the Z-Boys gang, as I had learned Jay's group of friends were called, that were still in high school - or middle school like myself. I knew that one of the boys that hung around with them were in my grade, but I could never remember his name. He was rarely in class anyway.

"Hi Kathy", I mumbled back not looking up from the book I was reading, something that of course wasn't to Kathy's satisfaction.

Kathy didn't like to be bored, or to sit still in general. I, on the other hand, had no issues with just sitting still, reading a book, something of the like. The school library wasn't exactly what you would call extensive, but it worked for me. She flipped the book shut, and I looked up from under my bangs that had grown long during the summer. I had yet to bother to cut them shorter.

"Okay, I am paying attention now. Satisfied?", I asked her with a sigh and poked slightly in the mess on my plate that supposedly was food, but looked more like mud. No wonder I kept skinny in this place.

"Very much", Kathy answered me with a smile and brushed her hair out of her eyes.

I could see the people that would usually sit at our table in the food line by then, and apparently so did Kathy, because she leaned in closer and started talking hurriedly.

"I think we should go to a party tonight", She almost whispered, as if she didn't want anyone but me to hear that, and she rolled her eyes when I sighed in dismiss of this, "Come on Mags!"

For a moment, I diverted my gaze from Kathy, and instead looked at them as they inched closer to our table, and almost grimaced at the sight of Blanca swaying her hips from side to side.

"You know I don-", I started in a mumbling tone, but Kathy interrupted me before I could finish.

"Please?"

It was rare to hear Kathy say 'please', and even rarer to hear her say it to me, the tiny Oregon transplant girl.

So I sighed as they sat down at our table before mumbling even lower than before, "Fine."

And that is where it all started.

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I think that in a way, Kathy saw me as a blank piece of paper she could color however she wanted. An empty canvas that she could paint the way she felt like. Maybe even a coloring book without any lines to color inside.

To her, it was probably some sort of relief that I showed up in cut off jeans shorts and a wifebeater to the Alva house, while to me, when I realized what she was planning for me, only made me want to turn right around, and run back to my bed in the Adams household.

"You can't wear _that_ to a party", She insisted.

Of course. I should have expected that she would do that to me, but I still stood frozen to the ground and looked at her as if she was joking with me.

"You're wearing almost the exact same thing", I objected and nodded towards Kathy's own apparel which consisted of tight jeans shorts and an equally tight spaghetti strap top that was pulled down so much that I could almost see her bra.

Surely there was a difference between the two outfits, even if they consisted of nearly the same clothing. Kathy wore it tight, while my jeans shorts barely hung onto my almost not even there hips. She was curvy, and could pull that whole look, but I probably would just look strange.

Kathy sighed, and I knew I had lost the battle.

"I can't believe you're making me do this", I sighed defeatedly a few minutes later when she sat med down on the bed and started pulling thick lines of black eyeliner across my eyelid.

"_Hola chica_", The sound of Blanca entering the small house was hard to miss as her loud voice rang through the house, "_Dónde estás corazón?_"

Kathy replied to her in Spanish, and I sat there like a questionmark. I didn't understand Spanish, and grew more and more annoyed as the conversation between Blanca and Kathy did not go over to the English language.

"Uhm", I interrupted the conversation while Kathy smeared black under my eyes, "Please don't put too much black."

I wanted to say 'please don't put as much black as you have', but that of course, was out of the question. I was afraid I would probably have gotten kicked out of the house then.

As time progressed, I started feeling more and more like one of the nerdy girls in high school movies who get a make-over by the über hot girl at school. They of course turn out exceptionally gorgeous and get the hottest guy at the school. When I looked in the dirty mirror with bad lighting in Kathy's room she _shared_ with Tony - boy, did I feel sorry for her - I didn't quite see the exceptionally gorgeous part. My hair was untidy except for my bangs, and my eyes were too dark. My clothes, did fit "perfectly" as Kathy pointed out, although the humiliation of knowing she worn them as an eleven year old was too much to even notice that.

Even though both Blanca and Kathy were over sixteen and had their driver's licenses, we rode Kathy's bike to the party. Of course neither Kathy nor Blanca had the access to a car.

I sat on the handlebars and Blanca pedaled - Kathy couldn't because of her high heels. Both me and Blanca screamed when we went down a hill, she in Spanish, and I in something that was supposed to be English, all this while Kathy muttered things in Spanish I later learned were something about us being silly.

My behind hurt from sitting on the metal bars, and I started feeling cold with the wind whipping my skin continuously.

By the time we had reached Shogo's place, another one of Jay's friends, my arms were red from the wind. They were cold too, so I rubbed them intensely until we got inside the house. Up until that day, the closest thing to a party I had been to was a sixth grade disco at my old school where we couldn't wear shoes and were served lukewarm Kool-Aid.

Now this, the party Kathy brought me to, was nothing like that sixth grade disco.

Although I could see a huge pile of jackets, shoes, and whatnot's just inside the door that had been left wide open, most people seemed to be wearing shoes. I almost felt a bit sorry for the floor which was probably going to be completely scratched to oblivion by the end of the night.

That wasn't the only difference though, far from actually. I could smell the sweet smoke of Marijuana in the air, and the music was turned up so loud I could feel the bass was thumping in my ears.

I felt Kathy tug my arm roughly, and I somehow managed to shuffle after her without falling over something that was laying on the floor. She pulled me through what I assumed was the livingroom, with Blanca right by her, our, side and into the kitchen. It wasn't exactly a large kitchen, and it was overpopulated so to speak.

"Kathy!", Stacy, the longhaired blonde teenage boy whom had been nice to me since I first moved in with the Adams' flew up from his chair, looking like his savior had just arrived, and then saw me and added, "Mags!", with a large smile on his lips.

Though you could clearly see in his facial expression he wanted to get the hell out of there as soon as possible, everyone else was probably too gone or busy with something to even notice it. Stacy wasn't much for the party scene, just like me, and it was something I had noticed quickly after meeting him. He never seemed to go to the parties with the other Z-Boys.

Kathy let go of my arm and I rubbed it discreetly while she planted a lipstick covered kiss on Stacy's lips, leaving him slightly blushing rubbing off the red lipstick from his mouth. I slipped away quietly from the couple and sat down on Stacy's chair, right next to a Z-Boy who's name I couldn't remember, and looked around the small and round table that probably wasn't supposed to be surrounded with that many people. I could see almost everyone from the gang I had met so far though, including my halfbrother who had been far too occupied with watching the bubbles in his beer to even notice that I had arrived.

"Dude", Tony elbowed Jay without any discretion at all, "Your sister is here."

I didn't like being called Jay's halfsister, nor did I think he liked being called my halfbrother either, because there was a seeming twitch in him as he looked up from his glass of beer, and looked at me as if he had never seen me before, or something. It didn't take long for him to snap out of it though, and he nodded slightly before taking a gulp from his beer.

I looked down at the untouched deck of cards placed amidst all the half empty glasses of beer, and other alcoholic liquids and wondered if they were going to play or something?

"So", Shogo announced and answered my question without even having me ask it, "Are we going to play or what?"

There was a round of 'fuck yeah!' and 'hell yes!' coming from around the overpopulated table, and I shrugged, "Sure, what are we playing?"

A grin arose on Tony's lips and he slammed his fist into the table making me jump a little, "STRIP POKER!"

All of the girls rolled their eyes, but soon enough, Shogo was handing out cards left to right. I glanced over at Jay while cards were going everywhere, and for a small moment, I felt an uncanny feeling in the pit of my stomach. I shrugged it off quickly though, and pretended for my own sake that it had never even been there.


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry about the wait, my computer has been a fucktard...  
_

When I was nine years old, my dad taught me how to play poker. Whenever he was out of a job, which was a lot after my mom died, he'd always play underground poker games to win us money to pay the rent and to set food on the table.

"Take it off!", Jim Muir screamed as he slammed his cards down onto the table, winning the round yet again.

There were a few mutters heard from around the table, and I watched Peggy Oki, the only girl _skateboarder_ in the Z-Boys gang, flip off Muir before pulling her tanktop above her head. I had yet to lose my shirt at that point, but considering how bad I was playing, it was going to be gone soon enough. I hadn't much experience with alcohol, and the mere three beers I had slipped down were affecting my judgement and abilities in poker a lot.

I had never been drunk before, so it was a rather special feeling. The world felt like it was in constant movement, and I was starting to feel a bit sick. Much of it probably had to do with my low weight and my build, and I was truly the epitome of 'a lightweight drinker'.

Bob Biniak handed out a new round of cards, and I looked at them and avoided furrowing my eyebrows, or making any facial expression what so ever really.

"You in, or you out, Mags?", Biniak asked me with a big drunken grin on his lips, and I snorted out loud before giggling.

"In!", I announced and pulled at the strap of my tanktop, signaling I was betting my top.

Everyone else around the table did their bets, or folded. Most stayed in the game though, because as it seemed, no one really cared if they lost, they were losing clothing articles either way. I watched Jay tilt his head slightly, bite his lip for a second or two, and then announce his bet, this time the last time he could bet his pants before they had to go.

A pair of pants or a skirt were worth three bets, a shirt two bets, and socks one bet per sock. I couldn't remember what underwear was worth, and I didn't want to either way. I was going to pull out before I had to take off that, or at least I _hoped_ I was going to pull out before that moment came.

The round went on, and person after person pulled out of it until I was sitting there scratching my head opposite Jay. It was a strange moment, as that peculiar feeling in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't exactly register seemed to return each time I glanced over at him. For some reason I wanted to know what he was thinking of, I wanted to get inside his head. I couldn't understand how Jay functioned, not at all. He seemed so.. easy, but he was the most complex person that I had ever met in my fourteen year old life.

"Fuck yeah!", I snapped back to reality as Jay did exactly as Jim Muir had earlier and slammed his cards onto the table.

I had never even realized he won over me.

"Dude, Adams just played the shirt of his sister", Muir mumbled in a slur to Tony, and then he laughed out loud.

My cheeks went instantly hot but I hid it by pulling the spaghetti strapped tanktop over my head and threw it onto the table where a collection of clothing items was piling up. I then wrapped my arms around my torso to shield any view of my boobs, but it took me another minute to realize I was only in my underwear now.

For a moment, I glanced over at Jay again and caught him looking at me. There was something in his eyes, an emotion I had never seen in him before. The thing about Jay was that you never exactly knew what he was feeling, though his eyes seemed to reflect a lot of it. Though this time, I had no idea what sort of feeling was going through his head.

"I think I ought to pull out now", I thought out loud, and with horror I watched whatever of that unknown feeling in Jay's eyes disappear as he seemed to register the words.

Kathy handed me my clothes, and I slipped into them easily before I gave her an onearmed hug and left the room with a tight grip around my glass of beer.

The feeling in my stomach had returned as well when I thought of Jay, and I felt sick just thinking about him. I had come to realize what the uncanny feeling in my stomach was, and I wasn't liking it. I downed the rest of the beer in an attempt to block it out, but the face of my fifteen year old brother still came back, and I clenched my fingers around the empty glass so hard that my knuckles became white. I knew exactly what it was, and a sudden feeling of hate washed over me.

Lust.

It's strange how one single moment of feelings can destroy the future of two persons.

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I walked home alone in the chilly night weather that was rather common for October. It was never really cold in Venice, but during the night you could feel the crisp breezes coming in from the sea. I had nothing against it though, as it felt nice, and it made me feel like I would sober up a bit. After a while, I realized walking alone was probably my most stupid choice of the night. Although I tried to not think of it, the thought of what I had felt still came back. It felt like a sin just thinking about it, and I wasn't even religious.

It didn't help me in the least though, and my thoughts still ended up wandering back there. I finally gave up halfway on my way to the Adams' house, knowing that I had no will power what so ever to repress the thoughts. After all I had been drinking, and the alcohol going through my veins only lessened what little control I had over myself.

It wasn't supposed to turn out like this.

Philaine was passed out on the couch in the livingroom when I stepped through the door. Taking care of her reminded me of taking care of my dad during the periods when he drank a lot. I threw out the empty beer bottles left over from what seemed to have been her own little party, and emptied the ashtray into the trashcan before giving Maserati new water and closing the door to my bedroom.

I felt somewhat sober now, and reality had come crashing down. Whatever magic that had been spread over the night had disappeared, and left was a fourteen year old girl dressed in a former twelve year old's clothes, with her hair teased into oblivion and the make up around her eyes smudged into large black circles. My body felt heavy, as did my eyelids. I was too tired to even wash off my make up, so I just opened the window a bit to let some air into the room, and then slid under my covers.

After I had stopped crying that night I finally managed to rock myself into troubled sleep where I dreamt of Jay. It would soon become a common element in my dreams, watching Jay come so close to my face that our nosetips almost touched, and then disappear into thin air. I hated the dreams just as much as I hated whatever feelings I had for Jay, because the dreams seemed to be only a confirmation of what I felt.

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When I woke up the next morning, my head was throbbing, and my eyes stung. I felt sick just trying to move my head, and when glancing around the room I saw Maserati huddled up on the far end of the bed. He had woken up when I moved, and was now staring at me.

"Let's go for a walk", I mumbled but my voice cracked anyway, and I sat up as slowly as possible trying to avoid my head feeling like it might explode.

As I stood in front of the mirror I let out a deep sigh. I was of course still wearing the clothes from the night before, and because of crying myself to sleep, the black make up had created heavy lines across my cheeks in diagonal directions - because I had been laying down. It looked like hell had dragged me over - twice.

I stood in front of the mirror for a few minutes while listening to Philaine and Jay conversating in the other room. I couldn't properly make out what they were saying, but it didn't matter.

Maserati followed behind me as I sneaked unnoticed into the bathroom which was comfortably placed next to my room, and Maserati curled up in the corner of the room as I turned on the shower hoping there was warm water. There was, and I sighed in relief before stripping off my clothes and stepping inside the shower, letting my body soak in the scolding hot water.

The cleaning ritual that followed took me twenty minutes. I scrubbed my skin until it was red and stung, as if the cleansing would take away any trace of whatever feeling I had felt last night. I had tried to tell me several times since waking up it had only been a side effect from the drinking, but deep down I knew how wrong I was.

After getting dressed I attached the leash to Maserati's collar without speaking to either Philaine or Jay and steered my feet towards the Zephyr shop a few blocks from the Adams household. It wasn't that far of a walk, but it felt nice either way, because the wind was blowing in from the ocean pretty nicely.

Although Skip Engblom hadn't exactly taken a liking to me, nor having Maserati trample around inside the shop, he usually was far too drunk to even notice. He reminded me of the alcoholics my dad used to scam money off when we had it really bad. A dollar or two can be enough money for some noodles that can work as dinner if you're hungry enough.

Though we never really had it that bad, sometimes it was bad. After my mom died, my dad didn't exactly work. He was fired fairly quickly from his formerly permanent job because he was depressed after my mom. It hurt a bit watching Skip, because at the same time that he remembered me of those drunks, he also remembered me of my dad.

"Hey Twiggy", He greeted me in a slight slurred voice though he seemed more sober than usual, as I entered the shop, "What have I told ya' about bringing that bag o' lice in my shop, Twig?"

Twiggy, or Twig. My nickname because I was so small. I wasn't much shorter than Peggy who frequented the shop, nor Tony's sister Kathy who also was there a lot. I was a whole lot thinner than they both were though, so I guess that's why he called me that. Even though I eventually grew boobs and ass, the nickname stuck for as long as I can remember.

"Where are everyone?", I asked him and ignored his question before sitting down at the empty chair next to the glass counter where the cash register was placed. Behind the glass there was a collection of wheels for skateboards, and other small stuff.

Skip shrugged before disappearing behind the drapes separating the shop itself, and the store. Not even Sid was there, so like a few times before I moved from my chair and sat on the one behind the counter instead. Skip would disappear for more than an hour at times, and he didn't seem to mind me managing the register. Some payment for my services would have been great of course, but considering Sid who did more than I didn't get paid, I wasn't one to get my hopes up.

I dwelled in my own feelings there in the quiet and practically deserted shop for an amount of time I can't even remember.

There was one thing I was absolutely certain of by the time I yanked Maserati's leash a while later and left the Zephyr shop behind me. The feelings I'd felt for Jay hadn't been a figment of my imagination.

That same day I bought my first diary.


	5. Chapter 5

_Sorry this took so long.  
_

--------

October 15th, 1976.

_I can't stand it. I hate myself for it._

_I know that it's wrong, but somehow I can't help myself turning into some mini-me of Kathy._

_Jay still won't look at me the way he did that night._

_I hate myself._

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I stared emotionlessly at Kathy across the table as she spoke, my chin resting steadily on the palms of my hands. My elbows were pushed down onto the table itself, and I wasn't listening to a word she was saying. The conversation probably was about a party - it always was. It was Stacy's birthday though, so even if I didn't want to, I was going to need to go to the party that night, if only for a while. Deep down I knew I would have gone either way, and it sickened me.

"Are you even listening to what I'm saying?", Kathy asked me and looked a bit offended by my lack of attention to her constant repeating of the same sentences shaped differently each time for variation.

"Of course I am", I told her and rolled my eyes with a slight snort, before smiling at her.

As always, though I don't ever think she actually believed me, Kathy accepted my lie without any problems and continued talking about Stacy's birthday party. He was going to turn nineteen, and as if I had never felt smaller before with my tiny fourteen years, I was at that moment. Though it never seemed to strike me how young I was in comparison to the others, I felt older than them all most of the time.

"_Hola chicá_", Tony Alva had unremarkably quickly slid down next to me on the bench swirling around the round table, "_Estás bonita ver hoy_."

Though I never actually knew exactly what Tony said to me, considering I knew next to nothing about the Spanish language, I knew he was hitting on me. It was unavoidable to notice, and the only one who didn't seem to notice it was Blanca, Tony's girlfriend. I felt sorry for her, but at the same time, it was impossible to keep a guy like Tony tied down.

"Eew, get off me, Tony!", I called out and pushed him away, my voice taking on a high pitched tone I had started using more and more since hanging out with Kathy more often.

When he shoved his fingers into my sides to tickle me I wondered to myself how many girls he had cheated on Blanca with, and so I felt even more sorry about her. It didn't make me feel much better punching Tony in the arm either, but I wasn't going to get my nose into _that_ relationship. Blanca could probably cut me in half before I could say 'boo'. It still seemed to surprise me every time I saw them together though, how Blanca seemed to worship the ground Tony walked on. I didn't understand why she did it though. It wasn't like she couldn't have any other guy out there. Though she clearly only wanted Tony, for some reason I never really got.

I followed Kathy away from the table a few minutes later, our arms hooking around eachother as we walked in the same rhythm, the heels of our shoes making noises against the linoleum floor of the cafeteria. I was still angry at myself for forgetting my flip flops at the Alva house the other day. I hated heels, still do. My feet were aching like they always did when I wore heels, and I had to cling onto Kathy as to assure myself not to trip.

"You'll follow me to the Elementary school later, right?", Kathy questioned as we left the cafeteria and came out into the long and stretched main hallway which had probably more than twohundred lockers framing it.

It was a stupid question by Kathy really, but then again she never knew of my infatuation with Jay until much later on. I would never have let her know about it through free will either way, because, as much as I usually felt uncomfortable in at least one way with Kathy, she was the only friend that I had. If she had known, I would have been left all alone, not to mention I'd be the freak of Venice, as if being from Oregon wasn't enough.

The Z-Boys would skate a lot around the Elementary school after it closed for the day. Stacy was trying to learn Kathy how to skateboard, but it was failing miserably.

"Of course", I told her absentmindedly, "Why wouldn't I?"

Kathy shrugged. "I don't know, you've just been so distant lately."

_Maybe it's because I have abnormal feelings for my fucking half brother?_, I thought to myself but then rolled my eyes at Kathy and laughed as normal as I possibly could at the time.

"God, you're so silly. Don't you have class now either way?", I looked over at Kathy as the realization washed over her and we kissed cheeks before she rushed off to her English class.

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The sun was glaring as always when I joined Kathy, Blanca and a girl who sometimes hung around Kathy and Blanca on the picnic table on the backside of the Elementary school. Most people called her Thunder Monkey, but I had no idea why, and I probably didn't want to know. Both Kathy and Blanca were tanning, so I followed suit and snaked out of my white tanktop I had taken from Kathy.

Jim Muir passed by on his skateboard and whistled out loud. "Oh, fuck off Red Dog!", I shouted and flipped him off before laying down next Kathy and feeling the heat from the sun on my skin.

It was relaxing really. When my dad had dropped me off in Venice in the beginning of the summer, I had been skeptical. Venice isn't exactly a sight for sore eyes, and even though I was a part of the "popular gang", though almost everyone would probably protest if anyone tried to call the Z-Boys popular, or even close to that. Yet that, the locals only policy that ruled the coastal neighborhood, _Dogtown_, could drive anyone crazy. Including myself.

Later that afternoon, while I was getting ready for Stacy's birthday party, Jay came into my room. It took me completely off guard, and I slipped with my eyeliner pencil drawing a long black line across my cheek.

"God, aren't you smooth?", I muttered while feeling the pace of my heartbeats quicken rapidly while I tried to look unmoved.

I sighed, looking defeatedly at the black line of eyeliner that now ran across my cheek, making my face look more like the unfinished production of a make up you see on pictures taken in tribes in Africa. I tried to rub it off with some saliva, but the black only then fell into a gray shade covering almost my whole cheek. It looked terrible. I gave off another sigh, then a huff of annoyance, and turned to face the cause of my now semi-destroyed make up.

"I'm god's gift to the world", He told me with a grin, and I raised my eyebrows in skepticism, "Don't give me that look."

I shrugged effortlessly, surprised as to how good I had become at acting since I realized my feelings for Jay, "What look?"

Jay rolled his eyes in an overdone gesture, but didn't answer my slightly sarcastic question. Instead he strolled past me and sat down on my bed, and I again raised my eyebrows.

"What the fuck has flown into you?"

He feigned being offended before laughing, or rather chuckling, and I turned back to the mirror with a sigh of annoyance, acting as if I was getting more and more angry with his presence. Though really I enjoyed his company, how could I have not? I looked in defeat at the gray shade on my cheek, but continued trying to rub it off.

Jay was wearing the usual outfit that I always saw him in. It consisted of his favorite pair of jeans I had only seen him without maybe three times at most, and that was when he was either surfing or had propped for the more summer appropriate attire of wearing shorts. It could get very warm in Venice. The jeans were bleached, ripped almost to shreds, and so washed out it was crazy, but hey, he loved them and they sat well. You could even see his latest scrapes through the gaping holes on his knees, ripped up from falling when skateboarding.

"Do you want a ride to Stacy's party?", He asked me after a moment of silence, and I rolled my eyes.

"You don't have a car", I stated as a matter-of-fact, "And you're fifteen, so you don't have a license either."

The t-shirt part of his outfit changed from day to day, but today he was wearing the Zephyr Skateboards shirt with 'ZEPHYR' printed large in white on the back with 'COMPETITION TEAM' just below it. It looked about the same in the front, though the text was considerably smaller there, and sat over the heart, so to speak.

"Well, aren't you just the analyst here..", Jay muttered, making the question I had assumed it was at first sound more like stating a fact.

I did over-analyze a lot of things though, so Jay's complaint wasn't completely empty.

"Besides", I continued, ignoring what he had said, "I'm getting a ride with Kathy and Blanca."

There was a slight twitch in Jay's body as he looked at me while I pronounced the words. I knew that he considered Kathy and Blanca bad to hang out with. Not that it was strange, considering Kathy was just as bad as her brother most of the time.

"They don't have cars either", Jay had a smile of triumph on his lips, though I knew I was winning this by a landslide.

I applied lipgloss with my back against him, and had the exact same type of smile that Jay had only seconds earlier when I turned towards him with the upper part of my body, my body hurting from the pain received after I went out running with Kathy the day before. I was in no condition to exercise, so I thanked the people upstairs that I was naturally slender. Kathy, however, seemed to have gotten the idea that she was becoming fat, and had been taking me out running along the beach every other night.

"Who said it's either of them who's driving?", I told him with a grin apparent on my lips, and I watched the triumph in Jay's face drain completely.

The pain from twisting my torso had been worth it. I couldn't tell how he was feeling, though you could usually decipher that from the look in his eyes, but not this time. Usually, you saw in Jay's eyes if he was angry, happy, sad, excited, and other basic feelings. Whenever he was hiding how he was feeling with his body language, I would just look in his eyes when he wasn't looking, and there it was.

"Who's driving?", He asked me, his voice harsh, and I knew I had succeeded in getting a reaction from him.

That's all I did now-a-days, tried getting any sort of emotional reaction from Jay's side.

"Oh, I don't know. Some guy Blanca knows kind of", I dug my fingers into my hair as I spoke, and ruffled it to create more volume.

The truth was it was Blanca's cousin who was down from Sacramento over the week who was driving us, and he had more of a stick up his ass than my second period English teacher.

"Why can't you just ride with me?", Jay asked in a complaining tone, and I started laughing.

"You're going to start playing the protective brother role now, Jay?", I asked him sharply and turned my whole body towards him, pursing my lips into a frown, "Get over yourself, because we both know that's not going to happen anytime soon."

Jay seemed defeated, because he turned to angry gestures and words to hide that I had completely shot down his proposition to act like a big brother. He didn't know that I didn't want him as a big brother, that I wanted him more than anything else in the world in the sickest way there was for a sister to want her brother. How I would lay awake at night wishing we weren't blood related, thinking about how his touch would feel, he knew nothing of that.

"Fuck off", He muttered angrily, and got off my bed in a movement that because ruled by his emotions turned out slightly clumsy.

I watched him leave my room, and felt regret and anxiety fill my mind. I didn't want him to hate me, quite the opposite. He was like life to me, in a way. I had no idea how to handle life in a good way, and it was exactly the same with Jay. I never knew how to handle him.


	6. Chapter 6

Though weeks passed, nothing ever seemed to change between me and Jay in the direction I wanted. It all made me dizzy, and I constantly felt an aching pain in my stomach, though it wasn't there in reality. I worried myself sick that anyone was going to find out, in particular Jay, even if that was in some way, exactly what I wanted to happen. Everything was going the opposite of what I wanted, go figures, with the arguments growing stronger between myself and Jay, and the hate I felt for myself not slowing down it's race to the top.

Even though the summer had passed, and in some parts of the country snow had begun to fall, the Z-Boys were still using the emptied pools to skate in. The weather was still hot as ever during the days, though the crispy breezes came more frequently. There still was no rain though, much to my own despise. Being from Oregon, I was used to a lot of rain. Oregon is very diverse, but from the specific part of the state I was from, rain was frequent, unlike in Venice.

The drought was only positive to the Z-Boys though, who on a daily basis would find a new emptied pool to skate. Sometimes, if it wasn't completely emptied, they'd just bring equipment to do so, something I doubted they had gotten non-criminally.

I watched at the sun going down at the horizon far away from the beach that I could barely see from my bedroom window, as I listened to another fight between Philaine and her latest squeeze. I hadn't learned his name, I hadn't bothered to. He was going to be gone soon enough anyway.

Philaine wasn't a slut, as some people would say. She just didn't have any luck with love. I felt sad for her, but at the same time jealous. At least she wasn't in love with her brother.

Though it had struck me more than once, you could hardly say that me and Jay were brother and sister. The only thing brother and sisterly we actually shared was our bloodties. We didn't act like brother and sister, and we didn't look the part either. Sometimes I even wondered if Philaine was even sure that my dad was Jay's dad. Without a doubt she probably had hung around other people around that time.

"I hate it when they fight", I turned my glance towards my door as Jay slipped in barely audible, except for his words left in a mutter.

My heart skipped a beat, and I hated it.

"Of course you do, it's your mother", I told him in a matter-of-fact tone, and sat down on the bed next to him.

Jay shrugged and leaned against the wall, staring right in front of him out the window. I curiously listened to the on going fight outside the door, and the silence between us grew greater. For some reason though, I didn't mind.

"What happened to your mom?", He finally asked and broke the silence, and I turned to him with a slight frown painted on my lips.

"What do you mean?", I shot back, the words coming out far more harsh than what I had intended for them to be.

Jay's gaze turned to mine, and our eyes locked. As always, I looked into his eyes for any trace of emotion, but as always, I didn't find the one I was hoping to see.

"Well", He began slowly, "Dad is in jail", Boy, did it feel strange hearing him call my, _our_, dad that, "and you're living here. So she's clearly out of the picture, and Philaine told me she's dead."

I looked away instantly, my body draining of emotion. Though I knew he hadn't meant for it to sound so.. _harsh_, it still did. I felt tired almost instantly, and sighed after a moment of silence.

"She died when I was eight", I finally told him, my voice cracking as I mumbled, "Cancer."

Jay's mouth formed into a 'O' shape and there was a long moment of silence, one that I for once didn't mind.

"I'm sorry", Jay said after a while, and I could hear in his voice he was being sincere. It felt good.

"Yeah, I know you are", I mumbled with a sigh and looked out the window.

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Mathematics really was never ever my subject in school, I had realized that early on in my education. I stared down at my book in misery during my last class for the day, and wished that it would end soon enough. It was just all so confusing, and it didn't help that the sides of my notebook was filled with partially erased versions of Jay's name. I went over them again with my eraser, feeling really down. The relief was huge as I heard the bell go off, and I slammed my book shut.

Kathy was waiting outside the classroom, chewing gum and wearing the new top that she had bought when we went to the market in downtown Los Angeles the weekend before.

"Hey", I waved slightly at her, wanting to grimace at how much alike we really looked when you thought about it.

I glanced down at my own top. It had a remarkable likeness to Kathy's top, it was uncanny really.

"_Hola_", She said in Spanish and got off the wooden bench that she had been sitting on. There were a lot of them spread out around the school, "Are you coming with me and Blanca to the bowl?"

I thought about it for a moment, but then shook my head.

"No, I have homework to do", I lied successfully and then added a genuine, "Sorry."

Kathy shrugged more effortlessly than what she probably was supposed to have, and then said, "It's okay, I'll see you tomorrow at school then."

I walked home from school feeling strangely cheery considering my before very down mood. Most my days consisted of being at the bowl, so maybe the change was good for me.

"I'm home!", I shouted once I got in the door, but got nothing back.

Philaine was probably at work. She worked at a sewing factory during the weeks, and as a waitress during the weekends to pay off the bills.

Having nothing to do, I decided to call my dad. He had been moved up a level at the prison for good behavior, and was allowed phone calls during limited hours of the day now.

"Hey, pumpkin", His voice had gotten scratchier since the last time I had talked to him, I realized as he got on the phone after I had endured a long conversation with the prison employee who had answered the phone.

"Hey, papi", I responded and stared at the clock hanging on the wall in the Adams' livingroom slash kitchen, "How are you hanging on?"

"I'm doing just fine, kiddo", He chuckled, "Got anything on your mind? You sound down."

Even though I didn't always get along with my dad, and I kind of hated him for getting himself into jail, deep down I still loved him. It would be strange if I didn't.

"No, not really.. well, actually, yeah", I cursed myself mentally for bringing it up, but still continued, "I've been thinking about something. It's got to do with Philaine and Jay."

"What about them?"

"Well..", I began, but cut off myself, "Actually. It's nothing. Don't worry about it, papi."

I could hear my dad huff on the other line, something I was used to hearing him do when I would say A, but not B, so to speak.

"If you say so", He sighed with annoyance laced in his voice.

I kept silent.

"How's school treating you then? The kids still nice to you?", He asked breaking the silence.

"Everyone's very nice", I replied and glanced at the clock again, not wanting to drag out the call too much, for the sake of Philaine's phone bill, "I've made friends with a few kids that Jay is friends with. But I already told you that in a letter, I think."

There was another silence.

"Oh, right, I forgot you can't see me. Here I am, just nodding like you could see me", He laughed, and I joined in with a small, slightly forced chuckle, "Are you coming to visit me anytime soon, pumpkin?"

I frowned in my own loneliness, "I don't know. It's expensive."

"You can always call your grandma and grandpa if you need money", He said, and I chuckled at the sound of dislike for them in his voice.

"I will, papi, I will", I told him, not completely honest, but what he didn't know, didn't hurt him, "Look, I have to hang up now before it gets too expensive for me to pay back to Philaine."

"I'll talk to you another day then", He said and sighed, "Good talking to you, Mags."

"Yeah, you too, papi. Bye", I mumbled and heard him return my 'Bye', before I hung up and leaned back in the chair with a deep sigh.

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Jay came home surprisingly early from the bowl, while I was standing in the kitchen making dinner. Philaine had called an hour earlier to tell me that she would be going to George's place after work and wouldn't be home until late. I had no idea who George was, all I knew was that he wasn't the guy who Philaine was officially seeing at the moment. The same guy that she had been fighting with when I had been hiding in my room with Jay the other day.

"You can cook?", Jay questioned doubtfully and glanced down at what I was making.

I was making pasta and Bolognese sauce, simple enough.

"Yeah, some of us don't turn to fast food and stuff you can warm up in the microwave when Philaine isn't home to make dinner", I told him teasingly, and Jay rolled his eyes.

"She's not gonna be home until late?", He asked, and I nodded, which made him grin mischievously.

Uh oh.

"What?", I asked him my eyes widening slightly as he started going through the kitchen cabinets.

"Philaine keeps her booze-"

"No, Jay. Come on. Stay out of her alcohol", I told him as firmly as I managed too, but to tell the truth, the thought didn't exactly _not_ appeal to me to have a drink to dinner.

Jay was way before me though, as he pulled out a bottle of white wine from a floor level cabinet. I didn't even know Philaine drank wine. I had only seen her drink beer before.

"If she finds out, she'll be so disappointed with you", I tried, but Jay had already poured himself a glass and attempted to pour some in the Bolognese sauce, "Don't ruin it!", I snapped.

He grinned and swayed off with the bottle and the glass to the kitchen table, and then started to set the table. I rolled my eyes. Jay's temper change would give me whiplash damage one day.

"You need to loosen up, Maggie, you really do", Jay said in a loud tone as he recklessly flung some plates on the table, and I was genuinely surprised he wasn't breaking anything.

_Loosen up?_, I thought, and glared at his back while he placed a glass on what I supposed, would be my side of the table, considering he already had his glass which he sipped on while setting the table.

I grabbed an old newspaper from the pile next to the kitchen counter and set it down on the table along with the frying pan containing the Bolognese sauce.

"Pour me some of the wine, will you", I called to Jay as I went to shift the water from the pasta cooking on the stove.

The colander hadn't been washed, I quickly realized, and with a sigh I tried pouring most of the water out from the saucepan, nearly burning my fingers in the process. I sat it down next to the Bolognese sauce and sunk down on my chair, quickly taking a gulp from the wine. It tasted bitter, and I grimaced.

"You don't like wine, do you?", Jay commented with a grin from opposite me, where he was in full speed serving himself food.

"As if you like it any better", I huffed and used my fork to get some pasta onto my plate.

Jay shrugged, "Any alcohol is fine by me."

I rolled my eyes, not surprised at all. Clearly, hanging out with the older guys was getting to Jay's head. Sometimes it was hard to understand he was only a year older than me, fifteen.

The dinner rolled on fine, and I was starting to feel quite dizzy by my third glass of wine. The food had been eaten since long, but we still kept drinking. Turned on music as well, after Jay spent five minutes halfdrunkenly shifting through Philaine's endless collection of music. He had probably drunken more than double of what I had, again, not very surprisingly.

"You know, sometimes I wonder how it's possible that we're related", Jay pondered with his feet swung up on the table, the chair wobbling on it's two back legs, as he balanced his weight accordingly.

"You have no idea how much I've thought about that", I mumbled and took a gulp of the bitter wine.

I got up from the chair and grabbed my plate to bring it into the kitchen. Jay followed suit, placing it in the sink along with, what could it be, a week worth of dishes?

"It's strange", He began and I turned around only to almost jump a little when I realized he was standing facing me, our bodies almost touching, "Isn't it?"

"What is?", I questioned warily, leaning against the counter behind me.

"You and me."

I felt like laughing, but instead, I just rolled my eyes, trying to keep my cool even though my body was burning with desire.

"If you weren't my sister", He continued and I felt my heart skip a beat, waiting for him to continue, waiting for him to say it.

"What?"

Jay shrugged, and that's when I did it. I leaned in, let my emotions get the best of me, and our lips locked together. I couldn't tell you even if I wanted to what happened next, because it's all such a blur.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!", Jay shouted and as if I had electrocuted him, he flung himself backwards into the other counter, "This is wrong. Fuck fuck fuck! This is so fucking wrong!"

"Jay", I attempted, but he had already stormed out of the kitchen.

I stood there with my glass filled with wine in hand, listening to the soft beats of The Beatles as I heard the frontdoor close with a bang.

"... I think I'm in love with you", I finished with a sigh as tears slid down my face.


	7. Chapter 7

_Because this took waaaaay long, I made it a bit longer than usually. I've been really busy, so that's why it has taken a.. long time haha._

The silence that filled the Adams' household after that night was the worst silence I had ever endured. The tense atmosphere, how you could almost feel the secrets pressing to come out whenever dinner was served. Philaine must have known something was wrong, but she never said anything. Probably thought that it was just some sort of sibling fight, I mean, things like that happen _all_ the time, right? Except this time, it wasn't some ordinary fight between siblings.

I stared at my face in the mirror in the bathroom getting ready for school, while Jay pounded his fist against the door. "I need to take a fucking piss!", He shouted on repeat with each hit on the door, but I ignored his words.

Smudging out the black eyeliner around my eyes further, I couldn't help but let my mind fly away. It did often, anyway. I had always been told I had a short attention span, and that I was a huge daydreamer. It was completely true, as my mind often drifted away to other things.

"It wasn't supposed to end up like this", I muttered furiously to my own reflection and applied a thick layer of black mascara to my lashes.

I heard Jay let out another riddle of curses before it turned quiet, and I assumed that he had given up on me leaving the bathroom anytime soon. I sighed, the silence washing over me like a wave of relief. Jay's tone of voice had two different types since the previous night, a week earlier, and it was either that he was shouting in fury, or he was completely quiet. I preferred the last one for obvious reasons.

My feet carried me out the door after I finished my make up, but I stopped in my tracks when I saw him sitting, leaning against the wall. "Wha- What are you doing?"

He didn't say anything, but just let out a low mutter of some Spanish curse word Tony most probably had taught him, before he got off the floor and slipped by me into the bathroom. I remained standing outside the bathroom for a few minutes, not quite sure why I was surprised or anything.

_Jesus Christ, get a hold of yourself_, I thought and clenched my fists. The kiss had been a mistake, I understood that much, what else would it have been after all? But, I still had the wish in my very core, the wish that he would have kissed me back. Sometimes the wish went further, as my mind wasn't exactly clean, but let's not go there.

"I'm leaving now", I called in a dull tone to Philaine as I slipped my feet into a pair of ballerina flats I had borrowed from Kathy.

I still rode the bike that Philaine had directed me to my first day in Venice, even though I still could barely reach the pedals while sitting on the saddle of it. Though it was nearly November by now, making it almost half a year since I had arrived, I still wore only jeans shorts and a short-sleeved top. Of course, that didn't stop the cold sea winds from blowing right through whatever article of clothing I wore, giving me goosebumps as I sped down the hill to the school.

I arrived just in time to see the skater kid in my Spanish class fall over while trying to jump up onto one of those wooden picnic type of tables that were scattered across the school property. I never managed to remember his name, I just knew he hung around Jay, Tony, Stacy and that group of people, and that he was in the same classes as Tony, making him a Senior at the high school. Why on earth a twelfth grader would go in the same Spanish class as an eighth grader never occurred to me, to tell you the truth, nor did I ever find out.

"Hey Maggie", He called out as I passed him and my head immediately, just because of the surprise, snapped to my left where he was standing, less than ten feet away from me.

"Hi...", My voice quieted because I couldn't remember his name, actually, I could barely remember anyone's names in my classes, and it was amazing that I could remember some of the Z-Boys' names.

He looked fairly disappointed, kind of like a sad puppy, "Jack", He finally announced.

"Right, totally knew that", I said and coughed rather pathetically in an attempt to hide my complete and utter fail at a normal conversation.

There was an awkward moment of silence, while I heard the bell ring, announcing loud and wide that class was starting shortly.

"So", Jack began to speak just as I was about to walk away, "Why haven't you been around with.. you know, Kathy and.. that other girl lately?"

"Uh, I don't know.. a lot of.. homework I guess", I lied through my teeth, and it was a bad lie too, just utterly bad.

The truth, of course, was that I was avoiding Jay like the plague, not wanting to face the huge issue that we had going on here. Christ, everything would have been much easier if I had been born rich, or at least with enough money so that my dad wouldn't be in jail right now.

My mind wandered off for a bit, thinking how it'd be if he wouldn't be.

I'd be going to school back in Oregon, and life would be all blissful and I wouldn't have a care in the world. Well, maybe not a single one would be the wrong term, because I mean, every teenager has issues of some sort. At least they wouldn't have involved Jay Adams, which was enough to convince me.

"So, what do you think?", My head snapped back up and I locked eyes with Jack again.

"About what?", I asked confused and a bit ashamed I had completely zoned out on him, not hearing a single word.

He hesitated for a bit, as if he was trying to decide if what he was going to say was even worth it. Not that I didn't understand him though, trying to have a decent conversation with me at that moment in my life had been more or less difficult. I zoned out more than what should have been appropriate even for my emotional state.

"Um, I was just asking you if you'd like to.. you know, catch a movie with me someday.. maybe?"

Movie. With Jack. "Like, a date?", I questioned with my eyebrows slightly raised as I pushed my bangs out of my eyes.

"I guess", He mumbled, biting his lip repeatedly in what I guessed was nervousness.

Not that I could see what he had to be nervous about. Or maybe I was just plain blunt to people's emotions sometimes, or, I didn't think highly enough of how pretty I was, or at least people claimed I was pretty. I was plain really, if you ask me. Nothing compared to Kathy, who was more than a hundred times prettier than myself.

I thought for a moment about what the consequences of going out with Jack would be, or rather, what good would come out of it. A distraction, I figured. It was exactly what I needed.

"Yeah, okay. Sure, I'll go to the movies with you", I finally blurted out, realizing how terribly late I was for class - I could _not_ afford another detention, "But um, I'm really late for class now and yeah. Just come by my house on like.. Saturday around eight or so, I guess?"

Jack nodded, seemingly more enthusiastic than moments before. "Cool."

I smiled at him slightly awkward before slipping past him and almost immediately going into a running pace as I navigated myself through the humid hallways that always smelled like sour milk, wishing the teacher was late, or something. Like I'd ever get that lucky.

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"You have a _date_?", Jay stared at me in utter shock from across the dinner table, the first words he had said directly to my face for several days now.

"God, yes. Is that so hard to believe?", I muttered angrily and made sure to make extra noise as I got out of my chair.

Philaine watched the argument with slightly raised eyebrows as she lit her second cigarette since finishing her own plate of food.

"Stop trying to act like my brother!", I added as I waltzed over to the kitchen, slamming my plate down next to the ever growing pile of dishes.

"I _am_ your brother, for crying out loud!"

"Not fucking possible", I murmured both furiously and at the same time depressed as my feelings for Jay came to mind, making me clench my hand hard around the glass I had yet to put down with the rest of the dishes.

After putting it down I took a deep breath before quickly racing past Philaine and Jay without actually running, ignoring something Jay said. I almost felt proud of myself for avoiding most of the argument as I slammed the door to my room shut. Clearly, the silence period had passed now and the Adams' household was going to fill with loud and cursing teenage voices instead. It was fucked up. _I_ was fucked up.

"Calm down", I told my reflection in the mirror and pulled my dress over my head, throwing it furiously on the bed.

Maserati looked up momentarily as it landed on him, but he didn't seem to bother at all as he slumped his head back onto the covers and closed his eyes, going back to sleep.

I started rummaging through my wardrobe, which was placed out across the whole room. There was a lot of clothing in the closet I had on the far left side of the room, some still laid untouched in my open suitcase at the side of my bed, and then, of course, there was the clothes that for some reason had found themselves thrown just about anywhere. I started with the thrown around clothes. What did you wear to a date anyway?, I thought, suddenly worried for some reason. Worried and nervous. That usually wasn't me, and that was what annoyed me.

I finally settled for the cut off jeans turned into shorts I wore more often than underwear, and that's saying a lot considering wearing underwear is a must. Obviously. Though I knew it was eventually going to get crisp and chilly outside, I pulled them on effortlessly, buttoning them and doing a spin in front of the mirror.

Having just picked out a The Rolling Stones t-shirt to wear I was abruptly interrupted when Jay snuck into my room. Soundlessly on his part, but loud on mine.

"Can you knock?!", I questioned in a squeaky shriek as my cheeks turned involuntarily red and I covered my chest with the t-shirt.

"Oh, sorry", Jay said slightly sarcastically, not even putting an effort in the sorry and turned around so I could put on the shirt.

Really, and truthfully, I had nothing against Jay seeing me in only shorts and a bra, but, when this incident happened, it certainly wasn't exactly the moment for it.

I pulled the t-shirt over my head, and muttered to him that he could turn around now.

"Who are you going out with?", He immediately asked, and I rolled my eyes slightly, though I couldn't help but wonder why he was so interested.

"That's not any of your business", I snapped and sat down on the bed.

Jay gave me a look that said 'I-am-your-brother-and-I-should-get-to-know' and I sighed very irritated. "Why do you even _want_ to know?"

"Curiosity?", Jay shrugged, but I could see it was something more than that, and it was getting to me.

Like I've said, the thing about Jay is that he can't hide his feelings what so ever. You will always be able to see how he is feeling by looking at his eyes. It's almost weird, but it's also so true. And he was clearly more than just 'curious'.

"Fine", I said and sighed again, "It's this guy in my Spanish class, Jack. You probably know him?"

With very much interest I watched Jay slightly freeze in his current motion and his mouth gaped in surprise. "He's a _Senior_."

"So?", I glared at him defensively, trying to push out how good those jeans looked on him from my head.

"Seniors only want one thing when they go after jailbait you know", Jay muttered and I suffocated a laughter, but still chuckled slightly.

"I am _not_ having a discussion about my innocence or something if that's where you're heading, Jay", I rolled my eyes and put on a pair of thin cotton socks, no way I was going out in flip flops.

"You're impossible", He shook his head and I smiled without thinking.

"Yep, and that's why you love me."

Silence. Awkward and absolutely horrifying silence.

"Yeah, okay so.. bye", I mumbled awkwardly and headed out the door before he could say anything else.

As I sprinted out the frontdoor, I almost collided with Jack, bumping into his chest and almost falling. To my surprise, he caught me before I could touch the ground.

"Woah, what are you running away from?", He asked with widened eyes as he helped me to stand up again.

"My brother", I sighed ignoring how it stung inside me when I said _brother_, "He's being more jerkier than usual."

"Oh", We stood there for a moment of silence, "Well, uh, come on, let's go. I got my car up front."

"A car?", I asked him and grinned slightly, "Impressive."

Jack chuckled, and I almost thought I could hear a hint of nervousness in his voice. Maybe, I thought, maybe Jay was wrong and Jack wasn't like the other 12th graders.

"So, where are we going?", I heard myself say as I poked around in the car while he started the car, shifted to first gear and the car started moving at an easy pace.

"Dinner and a movie", Jack told me as he glanced at me and smiled, and I almost laughed out loud.

"Wow, aren't you just old school?"

He shrugged his shoulders, then said, "You can take a nap or something if you want, it's a kinda long drive."

I raised my eyebrows slightly, wondering where the heck he was taking me if it was "a kinda long drive". Then I shrugged my shoulders before grinning and leaned my head towards the window and drifted off to a well-needed sleep.

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I awoke a while later when the car came to a stop with a twitch, and sat up avoiding to rub my eyes, not wanting to smear my make up or something.

"Where are we?", I asked with a yawn but before he could answer I looked out the window and knew exactly where we are, "You drove to _Los Angeles_?"

I looked skeptically at him, but he just shrugged his shoulders, and I shook my head as I mumbled something about him being crazy. Surely, Venice was actually a part of Los Angeles, it was just one of the many suburbs, neighborhoods or whatever you wanted to call it of L.A, but that didn't mean it wasn't a long drive. If you think twenty or so minutes is a long drive that is.

Never in the time I had been stationed in Venice Beach had I been into the "real" Los Angeles, so to speak, except for when driving through there when coming down from Oregon in the beginning of last summer. Had it really been that long? Christmas was only what, maybe a month away. Time passed quickly, apparently.

"What movie do you want to see?", He asked me as we entered the movietheater, and I stared at the posters of movies I had never heard of.

"I don't know, that Pink Panther movie is the only one I actually recognize", I furrowed my brows and pointed at the poster with a man sporting a moustache and big letters reading 'The Pink Panther Strikes Again'.

Jack paid for us both, even though I protested loudly (not that I would have been able to pay anyway, I was broke from trying to use shopping as a cure for being generally sad and depressed), and he then proceeded to buy us popcorn and Coca Cola.

"If you're going to be be this generous, I want McDonalds after the movie", I pouted as we sat down in our seats.

This made Jack laugh, and he shook his head, "Maggie, you are one weird girl", He mumbled as if I wouldn't hear, and I hit his shoulder loosely.

"Says the guy who drove to Los Angeles to watch a movie."

He laughed another time, but then we both went quiet as the movie started. I didn't even flinch when he halfway through it put his arm around my shoulders. It felt good, it felt as if maybe everything was going to be alright.


	8. Chapter 8

I was wrong. Of course I was wrong, why in heaven's name would anything go well for me?

"Hey, you want something from the store?", Jack asked me as he pulled into the parking lot of a small grocery store that was still open.

"I'll just come with you", I yawned and followed suit into the store.

We walked around the store, Jack picking up random things as we walked.

"So, what's the story behind you moving in with Jayboy?"

"He's my brother, sort of. I'm not sure actually how it's possible that we are related", I mumbled and turned the pages of a skateboarding magazine.

"Hm", Jack retorted and I looked up with him.

"What?"

"Nothing, I just.. The guy looks at you like, well, not like you're his sister, so to speak", Jack muttered and started walking to the cashier.

I felt my heart skip a beat involuntarily, and I put back the magazine into the rack before jogging after him. It wasn't possible Jay felt the same way that I did, it just wasn't. Then again, I thought, just because he "didn't look at me like I was his sister", didn't necessarily mean he felt like me.

"That's ridiculous", I mumbled without sounding very convincing, and fidgeted with a pack of gum I picked up from the small shelf next to the cashier's desk, dropping it on top of the stuff Jack had picked up along the way.

He paid for it, and we remained silent. I was starting to feel the night curve to the worse, it was like the topic of Jay had made the atmosphere sour. It wasn't that difficult to figure out that Jack didn't like Jay, but then again, it wasn't that very hard overall to dislike Jay. He just had an attitude that didn't exactly appeal to a lot of people, or maybe they were just jealous of him because he was a good skateboarder.

When we sat down in the car again, Jack spoke for the first time since we had reached the cashier, "Why did you even come to Venice?"

I remained silent, not wanting to answer the question. "I wanted some time away from Oregon?"

Jack laughed and shook his head, starting the car. I took his silence as that I had gotten a free pass for lying this time. He turned on the radio as he swerved out from the parking lot, and I hummed along to the song that I had heard so many times before. It wasn't uncommon for someone to bring a radio along to wherever the Z-Boys were skateboarding at the moment, and the whole place would drown in music, and the shouting from people cheering the guys on.

When he stopped down up the hill from the Adams' household I looked over at him with confusion. I could see the house from there, the lights were off, but because it never really got pitch black outside in Venice, the contours were still very much visible.

"What are yo-", I began to speak but was interrupted by Jack's mouth on mine, and in pure shock I pulled back so hard I hit the back of my head into the car door window.

I rubbed the back of my head as Jack started apologizing profusely, saying something about that he couldn't hold it back any longer. "It's okay", I mumbled.

He kissed me again shortly after that, and I pulled away again. Jack froze and looked at me, his facial expression puzzled, and one hand still on the steering wheel. I was beginning to feel nervous again, and fidgeted unknowingly with my hair, something I apparently did when I was nervous and just wanted to get the hell out of there.

"But, in the theater.. you let me put my arm around you?", He asked and I made a small grimace to myself without thinking about it.

"Yeah but uh, that was different.. look.. it's not you, it's me", I finally blurted out after a moment of silence, it was probably one of the lamest excuses ever to be made up by people wanting to get out of a commitment, but at least in my case, it was true. It wasn't him, it was me. Somewhat, at least.

Jack looked hurt, before he put his hand on my thigh, rubbing it slightly in a circle, "Come on, babe."

"Are you joking?", I looked at him dumbfounded, then at his hand, then at him again.

"Look, you can't say you don't want to.."

I stared at him waiting for him to punch me playfully in the arm and tell me I was so easy to trick, but it didn't happen. When his hand slid inside my shorts, I'd had enough and was coming to realize there would be no playful punching of my arm and jokes, he was dead serious.

"What the- No! Get off me", I cried out and pushed away his arm, at the same time opening the car door, "What is wrong with you?"

Jack looked like I had just burned him with my hand, and while I tried getting out of the car he tried grabbing my hand and pulling me back in it.

"No! I told you- Stop it, Jack! I said stop it!", I was almost screaming by the time I got my hand loose from him and got out of the car, slamming the door shut as hard as I could with the finishing words, "Don't... I... Oh, fuck you!"

Trying to act tough I just started walking away from the car with quick steps, crossing my fingers he wouldn't follow me with his car. He didn't, I think mostly because Mrs. Rumenéz had probably seen the car and was peeking out through her front door. I heard the car swerve and turn around, the sound dying away quickly, and then I let the tears fall. How could I have been stupid enough to believe that a Senior was actually interested in me as a person, and not well, sex?

I headed down the hill to the house, and when I entered it my cheeks were stained dark from make up riddled tears, and I saw Philaine had fallen asleep on the couch yet again. Ever since her last flame had left, Philaine had been a wreck. I picked up a half empty glass bottle of beer that was standing on the livingroom table, downing what was left before putting it with the rest by the backdoor.

The warming sensation that filled my stomach always seemed to calm me down, and I waited for the cloudiness to penetrate my head and make my problems go away. Unfortunately, there was a lot of drinking going on with the Z-Boys, and clearly I had built up a tolerance towards alcohol. There was no cloudiness coming my way I realized as I stood staring out the window with my hand still around the neck of the bottle.

"Oh dad, why'd you have to be such a loser and get thrown into jail?", I mumbled to myself before heading towards my bedroom.

I stopped in front of the door leading into Jay's room, it was slightly creaked open and I could see Jay snoring on his bed. Maserati was on the floor next to him, and Jay's arm was hanging off the bed onto Maserati, as if he had been scratching him.

Not sure what I was thinking, or if I was thinking at all, instead of continuing to my bedroom I headed into Jay's. I pulled off my shorts but kept my shirt on before gently pushing Jay to the side so I could lay down in the bed next to him.

"What th-", Jay awoke and mumbled in a sleepily voice as he looked at me through the dim light with one eye open.

"He was a loser, you were right", I barely whispered through tears, and Jay just sighed and laid down again.

"Told you so."

I fell asleep in a cloud of happiness, it was as if just like that, everything was alright again. Of course I was out of his room by the morning, I didn't want Philaine catching us. Even if she didn't wake up before noon that day.

* * *

After that, it was as if everything had gone back to normal again. Or at least as normal as it could get. Christmas and New Years went by in a daze, I can't even remember anything from it, except that Philaine got me an AC/DC t-shirt, and my dad sent a card from prison. As for New Years Eve, I woke up with Tony's vomit in my hair, which explains just how well that night probably went. It was hard to say exactly what had changed, but it was as if the kiss had never happened. I had never been so relieved about something for quite some time.

"Jay, get out of bed or you are going to miss the good waves", It was dawn and like I had done for the past week, I woke up Jay really early so we could both go down to the beach.

"I am coming, Jesus Christ", He muttered sleepily and threw the covers off himself, and I quickly diverted my eyes away from his body that now was only covered by a pair of boxers.

"I'll be outside", I mumbled quickly without hesitation and darted out from the room before Jay could notice the red color building up on my cheeks and the bridge of my nose as I blushed.

Philaine had already left for work, she was working extra lately. I wasn't sure why, but I assumed it was for the money, I couldn't really see any other reason for it. Except maybe trying to get her mind off Donnie. Philaine was a wreck about it, and so was Jay, although he wasn't showing it. It had become clear when I found the brand new surfboard Donnie had given him as a parting gift slashed to pieces by a knife. Obviously Jay hadn't wanted to talk about it, and I wasn't about to push the subject.

Five minutes later, Jay came out through the frontdoor dressed in his wetsuit that was pulled up to his waist, his old surfboard under one arm, and his skateboard in his free hand.

"Tell me again why you like to come with me this early", He questioned, still sleepy, while I unlocked the lock that kept my bike from being stolen.

"I never said I like it, but it's better you surf in the morning before school, than during school, and Philaine hates that you ditch", I shrugged out the lie with ease, I was getting really good at lying. "Besides, I like to hang out with the guys, even Skip at times."

Jay seemed to ponder for a few seconds whether I was telling him the truth or not, but he was probably too tired to invest much thought into it, and just dropped his skateboard onto the ground and set of towards Bicknell Hill, telling me to hurry up.

"You really need to get a car, or something, Jay!", I panted mere moments later as I trampled on the bike's pedals on my way to Pacific Ocean Park, with Jay holding onto the rear rack of the bike with one hand, his feet on the skateboard, and the surfboard that hit my side all the time under his one arm.

"I don't even have a license!" Jay was screaming for no apparent reason as we sped down Bicknell Hill, inching closer and closer to the run down amusement park, where the infamous surfspot I had been to many times could be found - the Cove, "And I'm not even sixteen!"

"Ugh, well you will be in like a month so get busy getting that license, please!", I pleaded - Jay's sixteenth birthday was less than a month away on February the third.

A few minutes later I took a sharp turn into the cracked asphalt parking lot. Jay almost lost his balance, but recovered from the swaying and didn't fall onto the raw ground, which would have resulted in more than a few scrapes and cuts. Although it was something he was used to, I couldn't imagine it got better with each time.

I parked the bike next to the worn couch that had once been white but was now yellow, and had been sitting there since I could remember. I even greeted Ted, the homeless guy who could usually be found sleeping on it, but either he didn't hear me or was asleep, so I headed after Jay instead.

He had already leapt down to the littered beach, and it didn't take long for me to catch a glimpse of the high splashing waves, and a surfer barely avoiding hitting a wooden pole as he rode the wave closer to the beach, where I could see Tony and Stacy, both dressed in wetsuits, as well as a few of the older guys, Skip, Stecyk, Montoya, and so on. They held court over the surfspot all the time, and if you didn't do what they told you, you were better off just leaving.

"Hey, Twiggy", I was greeted by them by a wave of greetings including my nickname - like I said before, even though I grew boobs and curves, the name Twiggy still stuck until I left Venice for good years later.

Because Skip seemed to have a weak spot for me, I rarely had to do any work when I was at the Cove. Unlike Jay, Stacy, Tony and the like, who worked their way to the right to surf there, by guarding the parking lot from non-locals, garbage clean up, floating around in the Boneyard and protecting boards, etcetera. The Boneyard as it was fittingly nicknamed, was a part of the surfspot with pillars running into the dirty water, rocks peeking up from below the surface, and anything that really could be dangerous for boards - and bones for that matter. This was before the time of surf leashes, so if you fell of your surfboard, it wasn't just going to stay with you, it was going to continue with the wave, while you struggle to not drown or anything quite as dramatic.

"Waves are big today", I commented absentmindedly as I watched Tony head back to the parking lot, and Jay making no attempts to hide his disgust with the garbage piling up in the Boneyard while he swam out to an appropriate spot - Stacy was already gone, picking up trash somewhere.

"When aren't they?", Stecyk snorted loudly, and aimed his camera at me, the clicking sound going off a few times.

I knew there was no idea to try and hide my face, I had done it before, and had been screamed at, being called ungrateful and whatnot. Stecyk was cool though, he was a photojournalist for magazines. He always had his camera with him, taking photos mostly of the Z-Boys, but on more than one occasion I had seen pictures of myself, Kathy, Blanca, the supportive cast, you can call it, snuck into his artwork.

I still have some of the photographs he took and gave to me as a matter of fact, but the truth is, I haven't looked at them in years.

Most of that time is something I'd rather forget, and a lot of it is captured in those photographs.


	9. Chapter 9

_This is me being on a roll, feel happy -- or something._

* * *

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh. My. _God_!", Kathy's sudden appearance next to me behind the school where I usually hid when I wanted to be alone -- she had found out about this spot early on in our friendship though, so it wasn't much of a hiding place anymore -- made me jump, and I cursed out loud while I started picking up the papers for my math test I had been going through.

"What?!", I snapped, startling Kathy just as much as she had startled me, and she looked offended, "God, sorry - but you scared the shit out of me, Kathy."

"Oh, boo fucking hoo", She rolled her eyes but then cracked a smile, "You will _never_ guess what I just found out about!"

I furrowed my brows, "What?"

"Tony, Stacy and Jay are going to be on the cover of, wait for it...", She paused and I wanted to hit her just so she'd tell me, "_Skateboarder Magazine_!"

For a moment I just stared at her, my mouth gaping in surprise. Of course I had known the Z-Boys were getting popular, heck, they were even starting to get famous - but the cover of Skateboarder Magazine? That -- _that_ I had never imagined could happen.

"Oh my god, are you serious?!", I immediately dropped my papers onto ground, and got off the tipped metal trashcan I was sitting on, "That's amazing!"

"I know, it's like... God, I don't even know what to do!", I had never seen Kathy this happy before, and it was contagious.

Soon we were dancing around, holding hands and spinning in circles while we chanted 'Skateboarder Magazine' over and over again. At that moment, neither of us knew what was going to follow, hell, we were only kids. If you grow up and live in Dogtown, sure enough you'd grow up tough enough to withstand most things - but at that moment, both of us were naïve enough that when the disaster came, we couldn't have been more unprepared in our life.

* * *

A few weeks passed, and everyone was boiling with excitement for the upcoming Skateboarder Magazine cover. It was like everyone was in a bubble of happiness, nothing being able to burst it. Jay had never been in a better mood before, at least during the time I had lived in Venice. And he had his birthday coming up as well, so I understood him.

"Hey, has either of you seen the pink icing?", All of us girls were cooped up inside Blanca's kitchen, all of us meaning me, Kathy, Blanca and Thunder Monkey, who I had recently discovered was Blanca's cousin.

I threw Blanca the tube of pink icing from where I was sitting on probably the only spot in the kitchen not covered by anything pastry related. The kitchen was a mess, no really, it was a disaster. There was cake pans, measuring cups and flour strewn all over the place, and Blanca's little brother's running in and out of it trying to steal some cake and icing all the time. On the counter was a sheet cake with a wobbly and homemade version of a Skateboarder Magazine cover - the Z-Boys cover to be exact.

Blanca's grandmother was dancing and singing along to the Sonny and Cher song on the small TV, and we'd sporadically join in during the chorus of songs, dancing around the crowded kitchen.

"Sid's house is bigger than the Playboy Mansion, but he's not snotty", I heard Kathy say to Thunder Monkey while she shamelessly nudged her with her elbow before turning to me and Blanca, "Right?"

We burst out in a fit of giggles while Blanca tried to concentrate on squirting out some of the pink icing on the cake. We had all seen Sid's house in the Valley, and the other boys always tried to convince him to talk his dad into letting them drain the pool so they could skate it. Sid's dad would have nothing of that "crap" though, he despised that Sid hung out with us. It wasn't much of a surprise though, because Sid was rich, I mean, he was _really_ rich. He was our complete social opposite.

"Okay, it's done!", Blanca exclaimed as she dispensed the last click of icing onto the cake, screwing on the cork again and we all surrounded the cake, applauding Blanca for her work.

That's when Blanca's grandmother entered the room again after a moment of having left, carrying a Polaroid camera in her hands and told us in Spanish to pose for a photograph. Of course I still didn't understand anything of the foreign language, but it wasn't hard to understand what I needed to do.

"_¡Sonrían!_", She called out, "Smile!", and I didn't even have to force a smile for once.

We stood in the kitchen posing with curlers in our hair, and slips covered with icing and flour. But fuck it, we were happy.

"Quick, go get ready", She then ushered us out of the kitchen, "_Quiero un fotografía cuándo usted está todo vestido arriba también!_"

Hurrying into Blanca's bedroom without any hesitation we pulled off the slips and brushed off any flour that had gotten on our skin. Apparently we were going for a _Chicana_ style, which I had no idea what it meant even though Kathy tried explaining it to me. All I got was that I had to wear feathers in my hair and a ridiculous halter top in white faux leather that barely went down to my bellybutton.

Blanca's grandmother took one more photograph of us together after we had finished getting dressed. We had teased our hair after removing the curlers, and I had forced down several bright colored feathers inside a headband I had pulled down to my forehead. Our lips were painted red, and while in the car Thunder Monkey drove -- she was eighteen -- we shared a bottle of cheap Tequila.

"Half-breeeeeeeed!" I screamed along to the Cher song while leaning out the car window as we passed people on the sidewalk, I was already starting to get drunk from the Tequila.

* * *

The party celebrating the cover was being held in the Zephyr shop - where else? People were bolting in and out of the place, music loud and before we even entered, I could see Skip handing out copies of the magazine.

"They couldn't buy publicity like this!", I heard him scream, and I smiled.

Kathy carried the cake as we entered to a cheer from everyone, and we shook our hips to the music while singing along to it. I had tied a hip scarf over my jeans shorts, not much different from the type bellydancers wear, and the coins made lovely sounds while I moved. My eyes searched the place for Jay, but instead I saw Tony getting a bit _too_ close to some Valley girl. Blanca apparently saw this too, because, before me and Kathy had a chance to react, she had yanked the cake out of Kathy's hands and was heading to the back patio, furious.

"Oh, Tony..", I mumbled and shook my head, even when everyone was happy, the drama seemed to pile up.

Kathy had disappeared after Blanca, so I took my opportunity to grab Thunder Monkey and go looking for Sid. He was in the locker room with a skater I didn't recognize, and was startled when we appeared, burning himself on the joint he was holding between his index finger and thumb.

"Ow!", He called out, but quickly tried to regain his posture, "looking cool".

Unfortunately, Sid was anything but cool. He was constantly nervous, a bit twitchy and didn't quite fit in with the rest of us.

"Have fun", I mumbled to Thunder Monkey with a smile, before dodging out, and pulling the blonde skater with me, leaving them alone in there.

I headed out to the back patio to get some cake, just in time to see Jay and Kathy intertwined in a conversation that immediately turned sour when Stacy appeared, completely freezing when he saw what was going on. I felt like someone had just stabbed a knife through my heart, and clenched my fists to not start crying. I hated this, I fucking hated having to do this.

Jay soon headed one way, and Stacy the other while Kathy was left standing there, a guilty look in her eyes.

"You know, you can't play with them both", I told her silently as I snuck up next to her, placing a piece of cake on a paper napkin, "It's not fair to either of them, Kathy."

What I wanted to say of course, was that I wanted her to stay the fuck away from Jay, but I couldn't, for obvious reasons.

"Whatever", She muttered with an emotionless tone in her voice before pushing past me and heading back to the party.

I stared down at the cut up cake and sighed -- the bubble had burst.

When I heard people chanting and screaming "girl fight", "psycho chick", and other bad words moments later, I immediately knew what had happened. I dropped my piece of cake back onto the surfboard where it had been placed, and nearly sprinted back into the shop.

"I worked two weeks at Market Basket, just to pay for this skirt! My brother's gonna scratch that neck, _puta_!", I got in there just in time as I saw Blanca launch herself at Gabrielle, a Valley girl without much clothing articles on.

Tony was just standing there looking completely mesmerized by what was happening.

"Get her off me!", Gabrielle screamed, and sure enough, soon Shogo and Peggy were pulling a cursing and kicking Blanca off her, "That girl is fucking crazy!"

Both me and Kathy glared at her and Tony, and we hurried Blanca outside to comfort her. It was over between her and Tony now, it was that clear.

"_Yo odio le!_", She cried out repeatedly between sobs as Kathy wrapped her in a hug, rocking her like you would do with a child, "I hate him! I fucking hate him, and his stupid whore!"

"We should get her home", I heard myself utter through my Tequila daze, and I went to get the keys to Thunder Monkey's car from her.

She was busy making out with Sid, and when I cleared my throat to alert them of my presence, Sid lost his balance and fell off the couch they were sitting on, making both me and Thunder Monkey burst into laughter.

"I need the keys to your car", I told her, completely ignoring Sid who looked completely terrified that I had walked in on them, "Blanca saw Tony and Gabrielle kind of.. something, and well, you can figure out the rest yourself."

Thunder Monkey made an 'O'-shape with her mouth, and handed me the keys while asking me if Blanca was okay.

"She will be", I shrugged before winking at Sid, "Carry on!"

Kathy was waiting with Blanca by the car, and I got in the driver's seat. I had only driven a few times before, I only knew the basics of shifting gear, and so on. Therefor it took ten times longer to get back to Blanca's house than it had taken to get from there to the party earlier.

"I can take it from here", Kathy told me awkwardly when I finally managed to park somewhat close to the sidewalk outside of Blanca's house.

We hadn't mentioned the incident from earlier since it had actually happened. I nodded awkwardly, and waited for Kathy and Blanca to get to the frontdoor before I started up the engine again. It took me just as long to get back to the party, but this time it was worse, because I had to drive in silence the whole way there. It left me time to think.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: I have no idea where the hell I am heading with this story, but eh, at least I'm enjoying writing it..._

* * *

  
I started looking for Jay the first thing that I did when I got back to the shop. Stacy had probably already headed out much earlier, after catching Kathy and Jay. I found him talking to Amelia, Chino's girlfriend. Chino.. He never liked me, I can tell you that much. Actually, I don't think he really liked anyone of the female gender, except when they were naked and under him.

"No. He won't leave me alone", Amelia said as I watched her closing in on Jay, and I rolled my eyes, christ, had the woman no shame? She knew very well that Jay was a minor, and she was definitely not a minor herself.

"I wouldn't either...", Jay replied shamelessly, "Can I suck on your-"

I went in to interrupt him, and grabbed his wrist as hard as I could to pull him away from Amelia before Chino returned and saw what's going on. I didn't stop until we were in the locker room which was empty once again.

"Are you crazy?!", I nearly screamed and punched him in the arm hard at which he let out a small 'ow', "That's _Chino's_ girlfriend you were nearly pouncing on."

"So?", Jay looked indifferent, which was driving me crazy and I cursed loudly.

"_So_, he'll kill you if he finds out you're going around saying shit like that to her!"

He shrugged, making me even angrier with him. Fact is, he knew very well he was making me angry, and he was probably only doing it for his own entertainment.

"Oh, and Kathy -- your best friend's girlfriend? Really, Jay?", I continued, and at that, Jay froze.

"He can't handle her", He muttered and took a chug out of his plastic cup.

I glared at him, "And you can?"

"Apparently", He shrugged again, driving me off the edge.

Without any hesitation I slapped him hard across the cheek, and he was startled enough by it to drop his drink. It splashed up on both our legs, leaving wet stains on his jeans, and drops running down my bare legs.

"What the hell!", He yelped out and glared up at me, "You're fucking crazy, Maggie!"

"_I_ am crazy?!", I clenched my fists, "_You_ are crazy, Jay, what is wrong with you?!"

There was a beat of silence. It was one of those moments that feels like it's minutes, maybe even hours long, but in reality it's more like a few seconds.

Our lips crashed together violently, and Jay pushed me towards a locker so hard it hurt. I wasn't even close to the point where I would have actually noticed the pain, not with the adrenaline surging through my body. We started making out angrily, furiously -- every emotion being let out as we ripped at eachother's bodies hungrily.

"This is fucking wrong", Jay backed away from me suddenly, just like he had done months earlier that night when Philaine was working late.

I was breathing heavily, my red lipstick was smeared outside the lines, where I stood leaned against the locker. I was exhilarated because of what had just happened, but at the same time terrified because of what had just happened. I knew that what was about to happen was going to change everything forever, but I didn't care.

"Who fucking cares if it's wrong?", I uttered between heavy breaths before I grabbed his hand and pulled him behind curtain that separated the locker room from the showers that no one really ever used.

Jay looked like he was thinking for a moment, and opened his mouth to say something.

"No. Don't think, Jay, not now", I interrupted him and let my emotions get the best of me as I pushed my lips onto his, and this time he didn't back away.

We kissed violently, ripping off clothing articles one by one, each one with more force than the one before. We tumbled down onto the cold tile floor, I hit my head in the process, but I didn't care about the aching pain on the back of my head that was sure to leave a bruise or two. I was going to be bruised enough from the reckless hook up with Jay anyway.

"Are you sure about this?", He began to talk again by the time he was attempting to get off my jeans shorts that had a total of four buttons on them and it wasn't the easiest task to pop one of them loose either.

"Are _you_?"

There was a moment of silence, but then he just shook his head and blinked his eyes before going back to what he was doing. I started pulling the shirt over his head without much concern that he was at the same time trying to get off my pants, something that needed his hands. He finally gave up with the buttons after a few seconds, and instead just pulled the shorts down, my underwear coming down along with them.

Jay was just about to unbutton his own jeans when the sound of someone running through the locker room made us both bolt away from eachother, as the realization of what we were doing dawned upon us.

"Fuck, fuck fuck!", Jay cursed out loud and ripped at his hair.

We were now at more than a foot's distance from eachother, and the adrenaline that had been rushing through me had died down completely. I was starting to wrap my mind around what could have happened if someone hadn't sprinted through the locker room, I could have had sex with Jay. Because it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where we had been heading.

"Let's just pretend this never happened", I said in a monotone voice, feeling as if I was traveling further and further into my own little world.

I unbuttoned the last buttons Jay hadn't managed to get undone, and pulled the shorts and my panties back up to my hips. He stared at me with an emotion in his eyes I couldn't really figure out while I pulled the leathery top over my head -- I hadn't worn a bra, because the top itself was tight enough for everything to be kept "in place".

"Maggie.. I..", His voice trailed off, as if he wasn't sure what to say, not that I could blame him.

"Let's just pretend this never happened", I repeated in the same monotone voice, and got up from the cold floor and grabbed my hip scarf, while feeling the tears brimming up in my eyes.

My first thought was that I was going to leave, right away preferably. I left Jay sitting in the locker room and headed out into the shop, still holding back the tears, and didn't even realize the absence of people until I got outside. The sight that met me made my body go cold, as I watched Skip on the roof of the Zephyr shop, screaming out obscenities I couldn't translate from his drunken slur to the English language.

_I want no part in this_, I thought as I let the tears glide down my cheeks, like someone opened the floodgates.

"These Dogtown parties are great!", A guy dressed in a white suit that looked expensive nearly snickered and I watched him blow past me towards an even more expensive car.

I recognized him as Topper Burks, though I had actually never seen him. But when you saw Topper, you just knew it was him. He was hard to miss. I wanted to punch his face, but instead I headed down the street before anyone could notice me, to the sound of Skip throwing another surfboard to the pavement while cursing about how skateboarding was selling out.

The walk was quiet. It always puzzled me how Dogtown could seem so quiet at night, even though it at the same time was one of the loudest places I ever lived in during my whole teenage and adult life. I wasn't sure what the clock was, but it was late, probably the type of late that means "early morning". I knew this because I caught a glimpse of the sun rising as I slipped in through the window into Jay's room like I had seen him do several times, as to not wake up Philaine.

* * *

When morning dawned upon Dogtown the next day, you could feel something had changed. Jay was missing, he hadn't come home the night before, Stacy and Kathy had broken up, it wasn't even on topic to talk about Blanca and Tony, and the biggest change of all - the Zephyr shop was closed. No one had even bothered to clean up the trash outside the shop, shattered fiberglass boards, and equally shattered liquor bottles that were spread out in huge circles from where they had hit the ground. Kind of like meteors. Liquor meteors dropped from the roof of the shop.

I didn't want to leave my room at first, but I had to because of school. Frankly, Philaine probably didn't care that much if I ditched school or not - I wasn't _her_ kid after all, but I knew that she'd let my dad know if she found out, and even while he was locked up in a cell hours away, he still managed to scare the living shit out of me when he got upset.

"Last night was a mess", I muttered to Peggy where we had huddled up on a bench between classes, passing a cigarette between us.

"Tell me about it", Peggy groaned and took a drag from the almost burnt up cigarette, "I have scratch marks from Tony's crazy bitch trying to claw my eyes off."

Before that, I had actually never heard Peggy speak badly of Blanca, though this time, I couldn't blame her, "Not gonna lie, I am _fairly_ sure she wasn't out to get ya'."

"He's a moron", She continued and handed me the cigarette, "Blanca's crazy, and that other chick, Gabrielle? Equally crazy. Only difference is she has money."

I nodded, though I wasn't particularly listening anymore.

"Did you hear Jay beat up Chino, by the way?", My eyes perked up at that statement, and I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"Why the hell would he do that?"

Peggy snorted, "Beats the hell out of me. Chino's saying he's going to, and I quote, kill that little son of a bitch if he ever sees him by the Cove again."

I closed my eyes. So that was why Jay had gone M.I.A, because Chino wanted to kill him. You couldn't blame me for not warning him though, because I had. Then again, that conversation hadn't ended very well. My stomach flipped anxiously as my mind traveled to the previous night and it's events.

"That explains why Jay didn't come home last night", I mumbled absentmindedly and received the cigarette from Peggy, taking a drag from it before putting it out against the bench and flicking the butt onto the pavement, "Afraid Chino's gonna be there waiting for him with a baseball bat or something."

We both sighed in unison before Peggy huffed exasperatedly and muttered something about her American History lesson starting in five minutes.

I opened my eyes, "I'll see you later. Are you going skating with the guys this afternoon?"

Peggy nodded and I pressured out a smile before I watched her head out of my line of sight and inside the school building once more. I tapped my fingers against the bench as I realized Jay's birthday wasn't that far away, and how things were looking right now, it wasn't going to be a good one.

The sudden idea to call my dad again struck me when I walked past the teacher's lounge. I slipped inside after feeling on the door handle - not much of a surprise it wasn't locked, and pulled up a chair next to the phone on one of the desks placed strangely in the room. It was completely deserted, everyone was probably teaching, but I kept an eye at the door just in case. I figured, if a teacher would catch me in there, I'd just pull a lie out of my ass or something, as an excuse for being in there.

"Maggie?", I had talked to a guard of some sort for a few minutes before finally I recognized my dad's raspy voice over the line.

"Daddy", I breathed out, my teeth clenching as I forced back tears.

I wasn't sure why I all of a sudden felt the urge to cry, maybe it was because of the recently transpired events. Goddamn, it wasn't supposed to happen like it had. Those words had been repeating over and over in my head. Actually, they had for a few months at that point, but all the same, I was coming near a breaking point.

"Are you sure you can't get out early from prison?", My voice trembled slightly as I blurted out the question, which frankly, was a stupid question.

My dad chuckled, obviously assuming I was joking, "Yeah of course, I'll just walk right out the door. How's everything?"

"Same old, same old", I muttered, deciding not to tell him about well.. anything, "I got an A on my essay about The French Revolution."

"Really? That's fantastic, sweetheart!", He sounded genuinely happy for me, which only made it feel more like a stab to the heart when I thought about what I was really doing with my time in Dogtown -- drinking, smoking, and not to mention nearly jumping the bones of my halfbr- _Jay_.

"Yeah, _fan_tastic."


End file.
